How To Become a Jedi

   If you have the drive, the courage, and the audacity to stroll down the path of the Jedi you better have a guide.

Clearly we don't have the technology to travel to the Star Wars realm, so you must use the resources that are already provided here on earth. The movies are a great place to start to learn the way of the Jedi.

The study of Luke Skywalker:

• Must wear a poncho sewn by a relative.
• Must whine more than a toddler.
• Must be romantically interested in siblings

Those are just a few character traits to get you started.

Obviously the path of the Jedi is a trying one. Don't be afraid to ask for some assistance. It's always a good idea to find an old retired force user. I would suggest craigslist.

Tips to finding a mentor:

• Look for outcasts. Someone your family doesn't fully trust.
• Ask for references along with the their resume.
• Find someone British, they just sound smarter.
• Make sure they are certified and didn't get their degree online.
  

Things to avoid.

• touchy feely mentors. (sexual predator)
  
• Drinkers/substance abusers. (light saber training)
• Dark robes and light skin. (Dark side/Emo kid)
• Someone who hires Sandpeople to kill your family and make their tracks appear to be those of storm troopers so you no longer feel obligated to stay at home.
  

   In the case of many young Jedi's, a path most be chosen. Good or Evil. As fun as it is to slaughter young Jedi in the academy, and shoot lightning from your hands, you must stay on the light path.

Tips to keep it real:

• Get a therapist to work through all those tough days. If your smuggler friend keeps making fun of you and steals your sister that you had a crush on, use words not your saber.
• Stay away from death sticks.
• Pet an Ewok to calm your soul.
• Slaughter a few sand people to get rid of stress.

Reasons to avoid the dark side:

• Rapid aging; non attractive bags under eyes.
• It's like "that time of month" every day.
• Only one kind of saber color to choose from; not a lot of options for matching to robe.
• Banana shaped saber hilt.
  

   When you become a successful Jedi you are going to be approached by the major players of the world.

Things to expect:

• Paparazzi; one slash with your light saber will dismantle their evil tools of exploitation.
• Major associations asking for your support; The Empire, The Rebels, The Black Sun. Go for the highest bidder.
• Dying children requesting your company. You're a Jedi now, send them a minor character like Greedo or Lando.
• Hollywood parties; be careful who you tell to go to hell.
• Light saber signing; tell them you'll duel them for a signing.
  

   Now that you have a few guidelines to live by get out there and conquer that world. If anyone doubts you, throw a little force power in their direction. You might use the old mind trick, force curb stomp, or traditional decapitation. No matter what you choose your power will be displayed. That's all that matters. May the force be with you.